The Amanda Show

Okay, this is all about me and Laura. At my house it would be called the Amanda entry, and at Laura's house it would be called the Laura entry. 

-Anyways, just saying-

Spent Saturday in Smyrna, GA to hang out with Laura's family. The occasion would be her Great-Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. There was good food, long lost re-acquaintances,  and some 5-year old fun. Since the get-together was in the kid's room of her Grandmother's church, there were some hula-hoops laying out. Me and Laura proceeded to relearn the art of this nostalgic practice. It took a while, but after about 30 minutes, we finally about to get the hang of hula-hooping.

These photos are courtesy of Laura, but I had to put them up because they are so funny.
Just having fun editing~

Not for the faint of heart

DISCLAIMER: Okay, so I am going to be honest and tell you that you might not want to read this post if you have a weak stomach. It is filled with lots of taboo words, graphic descriptions, and awkward topics. I've heard this process is pretty gross to some people. But not to ME! So here goes.

Last Monday for my Reproductive Physiology class, we had lab at the Vet School Dairy Barn. Our instructions? Learn how to artificially inseminate a cow. Mind you, I have been waiting for this lab all semester long. That would be because my teacher told us that we were going to actually be able to palpate a cow. For those of you who have not seen the Dirty Jobs episode, I will explain all this process entails.  YAY for you!

The POINT of doing this is to take a three foot long catheter, filled with semen, and deposit it just beyond the cow's cervix. Not in the vagina and not all the way in the uterus. If you deposit it into the vagina, fertility rates are too low and chances she will get pregnant are decreased. If you deposit into the uterus, you probably will only inject it into one uterine horn. SO, in order to know what you are doing, you must first grab a shoulder length glove, pull it all the way on, grab a LOT of lubricant, and stick your hand ALL the way into the cow's rectum. You do this because the cow's reproductive organs are located directly under the rectum, therefore easily palpated. Then you work your hand all around until you feel a hard almost ball-like structure on the pelvic floor of the rectum; this is the cervix. You place one finger in front of it and one finger at the end of it. Then you take your catheter with the other hand, place it into the vagina and work it slowly up to your finger where the cervix starts, and push through until it reaches your other finger and then deposit the semen. All Done!

Problems? Lots of them.

First of all, to the novice A.I. person, meaning me, everything in the rectum feels the same! A bunch of mushy, gooey poo! When I told our instructor lady that I could not find it, she told me to take my hand out. Then she went in and found it, had me stick my hand in over hers, and HANDED me the cervix! Poor Cow! She had two hands in her at once. Granted the only reason this lady was able to do this was because she is tiny. I am talkin' 5 foot. Her TA actually built her a wooden stool that she stands on so she can reach the cow. This also means a tiny arm too.  Anyways, once I felt it for the first time, it wasn't too hard to find again.

Problem number two? It was disgusting. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and interesting and I would definitely go do it again. And you would think that spending the past three summers dealing with dog poo would prepare me. NO. There is no comparing dog poop to cow poop. First of all, dog poo forms nice neat little "logs" it you will. Nice little small piles. I now appreciate that. And the smell is just slightly off-putting. Cow poop doesn't quite fit that description. They pretty much have constant diarrhea that just runs freely out and at random times without any notice. And have you ever heard how farms are a pollutant to the environment because of the production of methane? People, that is just a nice word for FARTING. And cows pass gas like no other. I would have my hand in the cow, and could feel donut holes of gas passing over my arm, which would then spew out in a loud crude noise straight in my face! Ugh. And the smell was sometimes so bad I would start gagging. This is a big deal considering I hardly notice the smell of dog poo anymore. Don't even get me started on their urine output. I think when you are inside of the cow the urine functions sort of shut down. But that doesn't mean the cow right next to you can't do it. When cows pee, they pee buckets of pee. BUCKETS. So if you are standing next to it, you are essentially hosing your jeans down with the splatter of urine. Lucky I was never in this situation, but one girl was working on a cow when this happened and she just had to suffer through it.

Problem number 3? When your arm is the cow's rectum, she thinks you are feces of course! What is the cause/effect? She starts trying to pass you out just like she does to feces. This means that at the start of your hand she starts constricting her muscles around you and continues to do this all the way down your arm. Ever had to endure a tight blood pressure cuff? That is essentially what she was doing- only on your entire arm, all at once, for a good minute or two. And while she is doing this you have to keep holding onto the cervix so you don't lose it; not that you could pull your arm out anyways, it is way to tight. My elbow joint was so sore the rest of the day from the constant tension I was putting my arm through. I just thought I was sticking my hand up there and I would be done. Now I understand what they mean when they say you can only palpate so many cows in one day; it is Exhausting!

I put off writing this entry because I didn't want to post it without the picture Dr. Coleman took of me. It simply wouldn't be as great. This is me up to my shoulder in cow rectum, and you can see the artificial insemination tube keeping the semen warm inside my pocket.

On an unrelated topic, you can sort of see our hott TA in the background of the picture above.

So, I had to take a picture to commemorate my choice to wear one of my favorite WHITE t-shirts to this lab. As you can witness below, it is in the bottom of the trash barrel right now. So much for wearing a plastic shoulder sleeve- that did not work. In fact, my hott TA, as mentioned above, was holding the cow's tail away from me, so I could work unobstructed. Then he proceeded to pull my plastic sleeve further up my shoulder. I thought he was just being nice and helping to prevent my shirt from getting anything on it. When I was done with that cow, I took off my sleeve and saw the poo stains all over my shoulder. So I guess he was trying to prevent anymore damage. Sad.

All things considered, I am glad I had this experience. It was a lot of fun, and not something a lot of people get to do. I am never short of stories as long as I am an Animal Science major.

So in conclusion: In the words of one of my friends in this class who is by no means a novice at this kind of stuff.

"You got cow s**t on your boots: you're country now, " yee-haw!

Children and Pets

So I was experimenting with the "children and pets" function on my camera the other day (low shutter speed to catch your subjects when they won't sit still). These are some of the pictures I came out with. I was bouncing the ball up in the air, trying to get a picture of her when she was as high up as possible. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Pretty funny regardless.

This picture was taken right after she hit the ball off her nose while trying to catch it. Hence the ball went flying into the baker's rack and made a lot of noise.
Disclaimer: Yes I know that is a half-naked guy, thank-you Lindsey's wandering eyes for pointing it out. It is the dead guy from CSI miami! I swear!

Joe Random

So every week the Auburn Plainsmen Newspaper has a column entitled "Joe Random," where they interview a random person and ask them a bunch of random questions. I decided to answer all of the questions that were asked this week. Here goes.

First, I had to include the weekly "deer in the headlight" dork picture that is always handily included.

Amanda Ferguson

Senior, pre-vet

Age: 21

Availability: Single

Sign: Pieces

Greatest fear: Current one would be not getting into vet school

Random fact: I was up to my shoulder in cow rectum on Monday. Blog coming soon.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A veterinarian, duh. 

What are your feelings on the legitimacy of reality love shows?

Sorry, but you can't fall in love with the right person when you are currently also making out with 20 other people, who are trying to beat out their competition. They will do anything, so kind of hard to believe their "true" love.

Do you and your friends share the same political beliefs?

Pretty much. I try not to talk politics too much because I do NOT enjoy a good political argument. 

What are your favorite flavored Pringles?

The originals? I don't really know of any other flavor. Plus I have not had Pringles in a long time.

Which shoe do you put on first?

Mmmm.... I think my right. Actually I put on the first one I can find, and then go hunting for my other one wherever Daisy carried it (usually outside on the porch).

Have you every been cow-tipping?

Nope. Doesn't sound very entertaining to me. More like putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

If you had to choose never to wash your bed sheets or bath towels ever again which would it be and why?

Ugh. Definitely my bed sheets. I don't think I could live with dirty towels, but I could probably live with dirty bed sheets, as long as I could wash the pillow cases!

Will the world end in fire or ice?

Well apparently fire, according to global warming advocates. Or would that mean ice? I don't know.

Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No, as long as you were a good child, my parents let us go where we wanted and their was no need to sneak out. Although once my parents go to sleep, you could bang some drums over their head and they probably wouldn't wake up. So I probably would have gotten away with it had I tried, but I doubt I would have had the guts.

Do you know how to drive a stick shift?

Sorta kinda. I tried on my Aunt's car and was able to drive around the neighborhood, but definitely didn't have enough experience to make it on the "real" roads.

Would you be president if you could?

No way, I couldn't handle the rejection! Too many places to go, not my thing. I need my couch potato time.

What is your alarm clock set for?

6:15 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for my 8:00 class, and 7:15 for my 9:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. My alarm gets turned off on the weekends.

When was the last time you slept on the floor?

Mmm...? A long time. Maybe in high school when we had sleepovers.

Have you ever bid for something on eBay?

No, I always wanted to but just never did.

If you had to dig a hole to China, where would you start?

Not from here, thats for sure.

Ag Roundup

Agriculture: the science or practice of farming, including cultivation of the soil for the growing of crops and the rearing of animals to provide food, wool, and other products.
Roundup: a systematic gathering together of people or things

Together, you get the AG ROUNDUP! A mandatory event for us Ag Ambassadors, and where I spent my Saturday morning from 6:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. 

When I got there this morning, it was freezing cold and dew was all over the ground. This meant soaked-through wallabies, wet socks, and 6 inches of water soaked up my pants. It didn't help that it rained the night before and the grass was recently layed. I spent most of the time trying to balance my weight out to prevent sinkage. But... lots of good food, and fun goodies to take home. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the day.

This would be me learning how to rope. I made it by the third time and got the sticker that the little kids get. Yes! No bulls can escape me! Okay, so they didn't move... I still think I could qualify in a contest though.
Okay so here's a real little heifer. I should have tried to rope her. I think she only agreed to take the picture because she was interested in my peanuts.
If only the picture could have been taken 1 second before, you would have seen a foot-long tongue (no joke) licking the side of my face (hence the grossed-out look). Her tongue was 10 times as rough as a cat's tongue, meaning a very painful show of affection and not one I would want again.

Here is a picture of me with the goat. She kept trying to head butt me! I think I annoyed her. It looks like everything is cool and I am petting her in this picture, but in reality, I am egging her on and she is about to stampede me. Not kidding
Had to get the annual sheep picture.
Here was part of the kid's corner that included balloons, face painting, and Simba the Lion King with a banana peel on his head? Not sure about that one.
Had to get a picture with Bessie, the Mobile Dairy Classroom Cow. She was a lot more tolerant than the other animals. She provides hourly demonstrations on how to milk a cow mechanically. 

There were several auctions going on also. I was working the silent one, when I came across this lovely item that someone won with a bid of $80. -- A lamb pelt. Yeah, sure, bypass all the other polo shirts from Anders book store and tool sets, and blow your money on this lovely number below. Here I am modeling it and showing off its beautiful pattern.
And I had to get a picture with the "Aubie" of the College of Ag, that would be the chicken of the Poultry Science department. When I saw him, I ran up to get a picture and he never said a word to me. Needless to say, later on in the day I was talking to my friend Clint and he told me he was in the picture of me and the chicken. I kept thinking he meant he jumped in the background at the last minute. No, he was the chicken. Creeper
Me and Loren repping the Zeta's of the ambassadors.
So one of the food stands was making corn dogs. These weren't your normal ones, they were actually a sausage covered in pancake batter. They were amazing, although way too rich tasting to eat as an actual meal. For some reason, they thought it would be fitting to make an AU sign out of painted REAL corndogs. Hmm...

There's a First Time for Everything

There is something to be said for settling into bed at 10 o'clock at night to study, and then waking up at 2 o'clock in the morning realizing you fell asleep and did absolutely nothing. Tried to pretend I was tired for about 30 more minutes before I gave up and decided to do something productive. No... not studying, blogging of course! Long overdue apparently.

So, Lots of firsts this weekend.

Got my first smartphone. HTC Touch Pro. I am obsessed with it. Of course I should be considering I have hardly even had internet before. Now I have something that comes in handy whenever I am bored.

Some pictures I took from my phone,

The next picture is courtesy of dad and his new camera.

Next first?  I voted for the first time. Got a little excited as I finally left the polling place and took a couple of pictures.  Notice my first voting sticker ever. It is stuck to my computer right now making it look a little classier. I don't think I will every throw it away! All things considering, voting went well. I was a little nervous when I heard about how the early voting lines were hours long, but it only took me an hour and a half. Just long enough to miss most of my lunch break though.

As for facebook statuses Tuesday night, I had to take some screenshots. Since most of my friends are republicans, and pretty upset that McCain lost, this made for some pretty funny statuses. Check it out.

Not saying I agree with all these comments, it is just funny how devastated people can feel over a presidency and think their life is going to be "hell" on earth. Its not like we don't live in a democracy people... 

Click on the picture if you can't read it.

P.S. mom, I blocked out the bad words for you.

Also, I came across an article that at least supported Bush and understood that he is not at fault for every problem our country is in right now. Not that he never did anything wrong, just that the presidency is not as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it seem. 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122584386627599251.html

Sorry for a political post, tried to make it as painless as possible.